I have come to realize a simple truth that has changed me the past few days. Bro. Sam was preaching Sunday night out of Haggai ch 2. His sermon was about how the children of Israel who had been in captivity in Babylon for 70 years were finally told that they could go back and rebuild the temple. Not all of the Jews went back but some did and they got right to work on the temple and relaid the foundation. Then political and economical pressure came about and so they stopped working on the temple of God and instead worked on their own houses. They pushed aside the work of God and did their own thing for 16 years. Then Haggai came along and got them straightened out and they started rebuilding again. But the people started getting discouraged because God was not blessing their efforts. They were, in essence, saying "It's not fair. We are finally doing the right things but now it seems that God is not helping us." God basically tells them that just because they are doing all the right things on the outside, they still have sin in their heart on the inside and that is why God is not helping them.
This whole year I have felt like something was wrong. I couldn't figure out exactly what it was but something was definitely wrong. I felt like it was something wrong inside of ME, but it was having outward affects. Not only did I not have consistent joy and peace and love for others, this weird "something wrong" was making me react to my friends rudely and also not want to get out of bed in the morning. I wasn't caring what I looked like and I wasn't wanting to hang out with anyone... I was feeling very anti-social. Something was SO wrong with me but I couldn't figure out what it was. I was trying so hard to get out of bed in the morning in time to read my Bible and spend time with the Lord but I just couldn't drag myself out of bed. I would ask the Lord to help me get out of bed and give me energy but it was like he wasn't hearing me. I would ask him to speak to me in the preaching and it was like he would but then the next day (or even later that day) I would forget about what He said to me.
I finally realized Sunday night that the reason I had no joy and no peace and no consistency in my devotions and like the Lord was not helping me was because I was like the Jews.... I was doing all the right things: lots of ministries and trying do my devotions and trying to do the right things but I still had one "little" sin that I was refusing to give up. I asked the Lord to show me what it was that was hindering me and that thing that I considered so small was the first thing that popped into my head. So right after church I got rid of it and the everything feels better now. God is soooo good to me to reveal that. It's amazing to me that the God of the universe who created everything wants a sinner like me to be close to him and will go to great lengths to draw me back to him so many times.
Is there some sin in your life that you think is so small? Do you have true joy and peace and help from the Lord? If not, get rid of that "Little sin". It will make such a world of difference.
I'll try to post again soon. Keep checking back!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Prideful thinking
This is going to be short but I wanted to share something that was preached in chapel a few weeks ago. The speaker was Bro. Bayered... can't remember where he is from or if that's even how you spell his name.
He preached on the subject of pride. He said something that has never struck me before. He said that every time we get up and don't read our Bible and try to go through our day without God's word and without praying, we are telling God that we don't need him and that's pride! I never thought about it like that but it's true. Every day that I don't read my Bible and forget to pray, I'm telling God that I can do this day on my own. What a joke! I can not ever make it through one hour without God!
Also, something I just thought of and thought I would share, I so often want to call on God when I'm in trouble even though I haven't spoken to Him the entire day. The other day, I woke up late and didn't "have time to read my Bible" or even to say a prayer. I was completely flustered and rushing around (which should have made me want to pray). I went to class and realized that I had two tests that day that I hadn't studied for at all because I was finishing another project the night before. I get one of the tests and I even try to go through half of the test before I stop in the middle of my test and almost start crying because I know none of it. THEN I decide to pray and ask for God's help. As I was praying it suddenly hit me.... "Lord, I haven't even had time to speak to you all morning much less get in your Word and yet I expect you to help me on this test..... I don't deserve it." The Lord was merciful that day and I actually did end up doing ok on that test and getting a 100% on my other one. The Lord is SOOOO good to me. Thank Him for His mercy!
But how ridiculous of me to expect God to do anything for me when that was the only time I had spoken to Him all morning. He needs to be the focus of my entire day. He needs to constantly be on my mind. If I were in an attitude of prayer all morning, it might have gone better.
Anyways... Gotta go... I will try to post again really soon
He preached on the subject of pride. He said something that has never struck me before. He said that every time we get up and don't read our Bible and try to go through our day without God's word and without praying, we are telling God that we don't need him and that's pride! I never thought about it like that but it's true. Every day that I don't read my Bible and forget to pray, I'm telling God that I can do this day on my own. What a joke! I can not ever make it through one hour without God!
Also, something I just thought of and thought I would share, I so often want to call on God when I'm in trouble even though I haven't spoken to Him the entire day. The other day, I woke up late and didn't "have time to read my Bible" or even to say a prayer. I was completely flustered and rushing around (which should have made me want to pray). I went to class and realized that I had two tests that day that I hadn't studied for at all because I was finishing another project the night before. I get one of the tests and I even try to go through half of the test before I stop in the middle of my test and almost start crying because I know none of it. THEN I decide to pray and ask for God's help. As I was praying it suddenly hit me.... "Lord, I haven't even had time to speak to you all morning much less get in your Word and yet I expect you to help me on this test..... I don't deserve it." The Lord was merciful that day and I actually did end up doing ok on that test and getting a 100% on my other one. The Lord is SOOOO good to me. Thank Him for His mercy!
But how ridiculous of me to expect God to do anything for me when that was the only time I had spoken to Him all morning. He needs to be the focus of my entire day. He needs to constantly be on my mind. If I were in an attitude of prayer all morning, it might have gone better.
Anyways... Gotta go... I will try to post again really soon
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The focus has changed
Hey all!
Sorry it's always so long between posts... I get so busy here at school. I'm trying to keep up with it the best I can. I haven't forgotten about this site.
I wanted to write a little bit about focusing. This whole year at school as been weird so far. I feel like Sleeping Beauty... let me explain- In the movie "Sleeping Beauty" the princess is walking toward the spindle in a complete trance. She is still moving but is in a total daze. That's how I feel like I'm living a lot lately. I'm just going through the motions but I'm not "really here". Things are so so different this year. One person who stole most of my focus last year is not here, many of my friends didn't come back, and I think on top of all that I feel somewhat...... I don't know... Grown up I guess. Don't get me wrong, I still have my silly times but they are fewer than last year. I really do think it's just a matter of maturing. Things seem more serious this year.
My focus has changed this semester. My focus is not on a guy (cuz there are pretty much no options in that area at this point). My focus is no longer on my big group of friends- I only have 2 good friends left. My focus is on school work and lots of ministries and ladies meetings and preacher's round up. My focus is on my job (being a good witness at work and having a good work ethic). All these things are better for me to focus on right now than the things I was focusing on before but I'm coming to realize the past couple days that it's still not in the right place. The number one focus has to be on God! I can't do my school work and ministries and work if I am not first focusing on Him. If I try to do these things without Him I will get tired and lose my joy, which is what I'm afraid has happened a little. I'm doing the right things this semester but I'm trying to do it on my own strength.
This part may sound weird but I talked to my mom about all this and she pointed out that I also may be feeling different this semester because I'm having to focus more on me. That sounds selfish but it's true. My freshman year I didn't have a boy friend but I had a guy that I liked and was constantly letting him take over my focus. Sophomore year, I had a "boyfriend" (unofficially) and he stole WAY too much of my focus. (My fault)
This year, I don't even really have any interests. I'm having to focus more on myself and drawing closer to God and not only that but figuring out who I really am and what God's will is for my life. I don't know that I have ever sought Him as diligently as I should have on this subject. That all sounds so cliche but I think that is partly why I feel weird this year. There are a lot more things on my mind this year and they are all a little "deeper" than boyfriends and fights with friends. I'm thinking so much more about my future and what God has for me.
The chapel speaker today spoke about how everything that God allows in your life (good or bad) is to prepare you for three things
He is preparing you:
1. To trust Him more later
2. To help you know Him better
3. For tomorrow
This makes me think... What does God have for me later in life. I need to stop thinking so shallowly and get in tune with God and realize that there is a bigger purpose for me being at Heartland. God is trying to prepare me for my future ministry or for my future husband and family. God is preparing me for my future. This is why I can't give up and go home because I'm so homesick this year. This is why I can't get distracted by trivial, shallow things. I need to focus on my school work and focus on my ministries and above all, Focus on God. Then when His time is right, he will take care of my future husband and everything else.
Wow... okay, I know this was really long and probably made no sense but that's ok. Keep reading. I will try to post again soon.
Sorry it's always so long between posts... I get so busy here at school. I'm trying to keep up with it the best I can. I haven't forgotten about this site.
I wanted to write a little bit about focusing. This whole year at school as been weird so far. I feel like Sleeping Beauty... let me explain- In the movie "Sleeping Beauty" the princess is walking toward the spindle in a complete trance. She is still moving but is in a total daze. That's how I feel like I'm living a lot lately. I'm just going through the motions but I'm not "really here". Things are so so different this year. One person who stole most of my focus last year is not here, many of my friends didn't come back, and I think on top of all that I feel somewhat...... I don't know... Grown up I guess. Don't get me wrong, I still have my silly times but they are fewer than last year. I really do think it's just a matter of maturing. Things seem more serious this year.
My focus has changed this semester. My focus is not on a guy (cuz there are pretty much no options in that area at this point). My focus is no longer on my big group of friends- I only have 2 good friends left. My focus is on school work and lots of ministries and ladies meetings and preacher's round up. My focus is on my job (being a good witness at work and having a good work ethic). All these things are better for me to focus on right now than the things I was focusing on before but I'm coming to realize the past couple days that it's still not in the right place. The number one focus has to be on God! I can't do my school work and ministries and work if I am not first focusing on Him. If I try to do these things without Him I will get tired and lose my joy, which is what I'm afraid has happened a little. I'm doing the right things this semester but I'm trying to do it on my own strength.
This part may sound weird but I talked to my mom about all this and she pointed out that I also may be feeling different this semester because I'm having to focus more on me. That sounds selfish but it's true. My freshman year I didn't have a boy friend but I had a guy that I liked and was constantly letting him take over my focus. Sophomore year, I had a "boyfriend" (unofficially) and he stole WAY too much of my focus. (My fault)
This year, I don't even really have any interests. I'm having to focus more on myself and drawing closer to God and not only that but figuring out who I really am and what God's will is for my life. I don't know that I have ever sought Him as diligently as I should have on this subject. That all sounds so cliche but I think that is partly why I feel weird this year. There are a lot more things on my mind this year and they are all a little "deeper" than boyfriends and fights with friends. I'm thinking so much more about my future and what God has for me.
The chapel speaker today spoke about how everything that God allows in your life (good or bad) is to prepare you for three things
He is preparing you:
1. To trust Him more later
2. To help you know Him better
3. For tomorrow
This makes me think... What does God have for me later in life. I need to stop thinking so shallowly and get in tune with God and realize that there is a bigger purpose for me being at Heartland. God is trying to prepare me for my future ministry or for my future husband and family. God is preparing me for my future. This is why I can't give up and go home because I'm so homesick this year. This is why I can't get distracted by trivial, shallow things. I need to focus on my school work and focus on my ministries and above all, Focus on God. Then when His time is right, he will take care of my future husband and everything else.
Wow... okay, I know this was really long and probably made no sense but that's ok. Keep reading. I will try to post again soon.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
It's about the little things
I feel like I have been drifting lately. Like I haven't been as close to the Lord. I'm hoping to get back to Him through my Bible reading and more serious prayer time. It honestly just comes down to "What do I want most?". If what I want most is to be close to God today then I will get out of bed in time to spend meaningful time with Him. (Sleep is my weakness here at college!) I should never give up what I want most for what I want right now (sleep). So I'm going to be working on that.
I had a convicting experience today....
I work at a daycare in the afternoons. My job is to help run the front desk. I am basically the right hand girl to the director. I do whatever she needs done which usually entails cleaning the facility, doing dishes, signing kids in and out, answering phones, filing paper work, moving kids from room to room, dealing with parents, tying shoes, wiping noses before the kids leave and helping parents find their children's jackets... a little bit of anything and everything. I get along very well with my boss. She is a very sarcastic person but we joke around a lot and (even though she would probably pretend she doesn't) she loves me. :)
She is not saved. One of my best friends, Rachel, works there with me and we have invited her to church and given her tracts but she claims she "already goes to church and reads the Bible and prays". There hasn't been the best opportunity to out-right witness to her yet. (Well there may have been opportunities but I haven't taken them) She knows that Rachel and I are different and she knows that we have standards but today I was very convicted about the "little things" in my life that may be a hindrance to her getting saved someday. For instance, she will ask me if I know a certain song and because I use to listen to that kind of music I do know it and I start singing it with her. And today, for some reason we started talking about scary movies and she said "I thought Christians weren't supposed to watch scary movies." It hit me hard. I didn't really have an answer. Then just a few minutes later, I called someone (a movie star) a retard. I have a habit of calling people stupid or idiots or retards which is totally not Christ like. My boss said "That wasn't a very Christian thing to say." Now, she was just kidding with me, but it really convicted me because once again I had no reply. It wasn't a very Christ like thing to say. There is also a girl at work who annoys me to no end with her bad attitude and on several occasions I have mentioned my annoyance with her to my boss. What a bad testimony! I should be handling that girl with love and patience. So anyways... I was really convicted just by those little things she said today. I really want to work on the way I talk and my attitude about things and also on being a testimony of how God brought me out of the old lifestyle I use to live with wrong music and movies, not pretend like I'm still living that way by singing those old songs and talking about movies.
Well, that's all for today but I already have another idea to talk about next so check back really soon. I may try to get on here Saturday night.
Keep your testimony with the lost in the forefront of your mind throughout everyday, in every decision that you make.
I had a convicting experience today....
I work at a daycare in the afternoons. My job is to help run the front desk. I am basically the right hand girl to the director. I do whatever she needs done which usually entails cleaning the facility, doing dishes, signing kids in and out, answering phones, filing paper work, moving kids from room to room, dealing with parents, tying shoes, wiping noses before the kids leave and helping parents find their children's jackets... a little bit of anything and everything. I get along very well with my boss. She is a very sarcastic person but we joke around a lot and (even though she would probably pretend she doesn't) she loves me. :)
She is not saved. One of my best friends, Rachel, works there with me and we have invited her to church and given her tracts but she claims she "already goes to church and reads the Bible and prays". There hasn't been the best opportunity to out-right witness to her yet. (Well there may have been opportunities but I haven't taken them) She knows that Rachel and I are different and she knows that we have standards but today I was very convicted about the "little things" in my life that may be a hindrance to her getting saved someday. For instance, she will ask me if I know a certain song and because I use to listen to that kind of music I do know it and I start singing it with her. And today, for some reason we started talking about scary movies and she said "I thought Christians weren't supposed to watch scary movies." It hit me hard. I didn't really have an answer. Then just a few minutes later, I called someone (a movie star) a retard. I have a habit of calling people stupid or idiots or retards which is totally not Christ like. My boss said "That wasn't a very Christian thing to say." Now, she was just kidding with me, but it really convicted me because once again I had no reply. It wasn't a very Christ like thing to say. There is also a girl at work who annoys me to no end with her bad attitude and on several occasions I have mentioned my annoyance with her to my boss. What a bad testimony! I should be handling that girl with love and patience. So anyways... I was really convicted just by those little things she said today. I really want to work on the way I talk and my attitude about things and also on being a testimony of how God brought me out of the old lifestyle I use to live with wrong music and movies, not pretend like I'm still living that way by singing those old songs and talking about movies.
Well, that's all for today but I already have another idea to talk about next so check back really soon. I may try to get on here Saturday night.
Keep your testimony with the lost in the forefront of your mind throughout everyday, in every decision that you make.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Real Love
Pastor Sam Davison preached a sermon yesterday on Romans 12:9. He preached about love without dissimulation. Dissimulation means hypocrisy. It has to do with being fake. This was so convicting for me. I have such a problem with fake people. It's like a pet peeve. I hate finding out that people are not what I thought they were and that seems to be happening a lot lately!!!!!!!!! But the Lord convicted me yesterday about my own love for people and for Him. I don't want my love for Him to ever be fake but I am afraid it sometimes gets that way. It all comes down to pride- wanting people to THINK I love the Lord, when in all reality, on the inside, I'm as far away from Him as I can be. (Just being totally honest right now) I really want to work on loving Him for the right reasons. I'm praying that the Lord will help me to truly fall in love with Him.
I was also convicted about my love for others. One of my biggest fears in life (not even joking) is that people talk bad about me when I leave the room. Yet, I find myself sometimes doing that very thing to others or at least listening to it. I KNOW! Despicable! I also have been really having a bad attitude in my heart towards a few people that either annoy me very much or who have hurt me. But since I heard that sermon, I'm praying that the Lord would TEACH me how to love them. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to love these people on my own! (Sad to say) But I'm praying that God will love them THROUGH me. I think it's going to be my theme for this year- "Love without dissimulation". I plan to do a study on the subject of love in my devotions.
"If stupid people fret me and the little ruffles set me on edge, Then I know nothing of Calvary's love. If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider "not spiritual work" I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interest and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love." Amy Carmichael
I was also convicted about my love for others. One of my biggest fears in life (not even joking) is that people talk bad about me when I leave the room. Yet, I find myself sometimes doing that very thing to others or at least listening to it. I KNOW! Despicable! I also have been really having a bad attitude in my heart towards a few people that either annoy me very much or who have hurt me. But since I heard that sermon, I'm praying that the Lord would TEACH me how to love them. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to love these people on my own! (Sad to say) But I'm praying that God will love them THROUGH me. I think it's going to be my theme for this year- "Love without dissimulation". I plan to do a study on the subject of love in my devotions.
"If stupid people fret me and the little ruffles set me on edge, Then I know nothing of Calvary's love. If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider "not spiritual work" I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interest and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love." Amy Carmichael
Saturday, September 6, 2008
A fresh start with excitment!
I'm really excited about school this year! My friends and I are trying to be involved in as many ministries as possible this year since we have spent the last couple years being distracted. I feel like I'm getting a new start and another chance. It's been amazing how the Lord has weeded out problems and distractions in my life (sometimes in ways that hurt me a little... but the Lord always knows what he is doing and it's for my Good and His Glory)
We are involved in the Bus ministry and visitation and also Friday night street preaching. We also help with Neighborhood Bible time, which is a big carnival they have to reach the kids on a selected bus each month. It's an awesome ministry. We have seen many kids saved and TONS start riding or be more faithful to riding that bus. I'm really excited about all of it.
I'm thrilled about my classes too. I have learned a lot the last couple of years in my 'Bible' classes but this year I get to start learning about how to actually teach little kids math and science and art and English. I really cannot wait to be a teacher (assuming that is what the Lord has for me)!!!!
The one thing I wanted to talk about for a minute tonight is the limitations of distractions. I'm going to use a boyfriend for my example because that's what it was for me...
I feel sooooo free this year! Last year I got caught up in a relationship that I thought could be "The one". As it turns out, sometimes people are not who you think they are. So be very slow and careful with who you give your heart to! (just a side-note :)) It didn't work out and now I look back on the whole year and wish I would have spent more time getting involved in ministries and meeting new people and making godly friends and actually trying my best at school work. Not worrying about a guy who wasn't God's will. It kept me from applying myself in school, getting involved in more ministries, and made me neglect some friendships. It also caused me to mess up my testimony. We never did anything WRONG but we didn't do a whole lot right either. People noticed that we spent way too much time together and that I was neglecting other responsibilites as well as having an attitude about some things.
Since I don't have that distraction this year, I can be involved in so much more! I don't have to be worried about spending all my time with a guy. I have made so many more friends and I am really trying to pour myself into my bus kids. I plan to work really hard at school work and do the best I can.
All that to say this- Don't let anything distract you from serving the Lord! Break free (with the Lord's help) from anything in your life that is holding you back from being involved in ministries. There is such a sense of fulfillment and peace and joy when you know you aren't wasting time on temporal things but are investing time and money and energy into things that count for eternity and help prepare you for the future God has planned for you.
(And just in case it does happen to be a guy in your life that is distracting you... When the right one comes along, he won't distract you. He will encourage you and you will be able to serve the Lord TOGETHER! He won't be demanding of your time to the point that you neglect your responsibilities or neglect the Lord) (This is only recently getting through my thick head)
Well, I know it might not have made much sense but I hope it was a help to someone. I will try to post again soon and let you know some of the things I'm learning in school and in chapel. So stay tuned! :)
We are involved in the Bus ministry and visitation and also Friday night street preaching. We also help with Neighborhood Bible time, which is a big carnival they have to reach the kids on a selected bus each month. It's an awesome ministry. We have seen many kids saved and TONS start riding or be more faithful to riding that bus. I'm really excited about all of it.
I'm thrilled about my classes too. I have learned a lot the last couple of years in my 'Bible' classes but this year I get to start learning about how to actually teach little kids math and science and art and English. I really cannot wait to be a teacher (assuming that is what the Lord has for me)!!!!
The one thing I wanted to talk about for a minute tonight is the limitations of distractions. I'm going to use a boyfriend for my example because that's what it was for me...
I feel sooooo free this year! Last year I got caught up in a relationship that I thought could be "The one". As it turns out, sometimes people are not who you think they are. So be very slow and careful with who you give your heart to! (just a side-note :)) It didn't work out and now I look back on the whole year and wish I would have spent more time getting involved in ministries and meeting new people and making godly friends and actually trying my best at school work. Not worrying about a guy who wasn't God's will. It kept me from applying myself in school, getting involved in more ministries, and made me neglect some friendships. It also caused me to mess up my testimony. We never did anything WRONG but we didn't do a whole lot right either. People noticed that we spent way too much time together and that I was neglecting other responsibilites as well as having an attitude about some things.
Since I don't have that distraction this year, I can be involved in so much more! I don't have to be worried about spending all my time with a guy. I have made so many more friends and I am really trying to pour myself into my bus kids. I plan to work really hard at school work and do the best I can.
All that to say this- Don't let anything distract you from serving the Lord! Break free (with the Lord's help) from anything in your life that is holding you back from being involved in ministries. There is such a sense of fulfillment and peace and joy when you know you aren't wasting time on temporal things but are investing time and money and energy into things that count for eternity and help prepare you for the future God has planned for you.
(And just in case it does happen to be a guy in your life that is distracting you... When the right one comes along, he won't distract you. He will encourage you and you will be able to serve the Lord TOGETHER! He won't be demanding of your time to the point that you neglect your responsibilities or neglect the Lord) (This is only recently getting through my thick head)
Well, I know it might not have made much sense but I hope it was a help to someone. I will try to post again soon and let you know some of the things I'm learning in school and in chapel. So stay tuned! :)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I haven't forgoten!
Hey! Sorry it's been WAY too long since I've posted. I will try to do better. But I'm back at Heartland now. I've been here since Aug. 21st. I'm really excited about this year! Everything is SO different. But I know the Lord is wanting to teach me and grow me through all the different circumstances that are surrounding me right now. I don't have much time right now so I guess I will have to end here. I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be trying to do better on here. Our school interenet was down until just now and I've been really really busy so that is why it's taken so long. I have many post ideas and things I want to write about really soon so keep checking back.
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