The focus has changed

Hey all!
Sorry it's always so long between posts... I get so busy here at school. I'm trying to keep up with it the best I can. I haven't forgotten about this site.

I wanted to write a little bit about focusing. This whole year at school as been weird so far. I feel like Sleeping Beauty... let me explain- In the movie "Sleeping Beauty" the princess is walking toward the spindle in a complete trance. She is still moving but is in a total daze. That's how I feel like I'm living a lot lately. I'm just going through the motions but I'm not "really here". Things are so so different this year. One person who stole most of my focus last year is not here, many of my friends didn't come back, and I think on top of all that I feel somewhat...... I don't know... Grown up I guess. Don't get me wrong, I still have my silly times but they are fewer than last year. I really do think it's just a matter of maturing. Things seem more serious this year.
My focus has changed this semester. My focus is not on a guy (cuz there are pretty much no options in that area at this point). My focus is no longer on my big group of friends- I only have 2 good friends left. My focus is on school work and lots of ministries and ladies meetings and preacher's round up. My focus is on my job (being a good witness at work and having a good work ethic). All these things are better for me to focus on right now than the things I was focusing on before but I'm coming to realize the past couple days that it's still not in the right place. The number one focus has to be on God! I can't do my school work and ministries and work if I am not first focusing on Him. If I try to do these things without Him I will get tired and lose my joy, which is what I'm afraid has happened a little. I'm doing the right things this semester but I'm trying to do it on my own strength.
This part may sound weird but I talked to my mom about all this and she pointed out that I also may be feeling different this semester because I'm having to focus more on me. That sounds selfish but it's true. My freshman year I didn't have a boy friend but I had a guy that I liked and was constantly letting him take over my focus. Sophomore year, I had a "boyfriend" (unofficially) and he stole WAY too much of my focus. (My fault)
This year, I don't even really have any interests. I'm having to focus more on myself and drawing closer to God and not only that but figuring out who I really am and what God's will is for my life. I don't know that I have ever sought Him as diligently as I should have on this subject. That all sounds so cliche but I think that is partly why I feel weird this year. There are a lot more things on my mind this year and they are all a little "deeper" than boyfriends and fights with friends. I'm thinking so much more about my future and what God has for me.
The chapel speaker today spoke about how everything that God allows in your life (good or bad) is to prepare you for three things
He is preparing you:
1. To trust Him more later
2. To help you know Him better
3. For tomorrow
This makes me think... What does God have for me later in life. I need to stop thinking so shallowly and get in tune with God and realize that there is a bigger purpose for me being at Heartland. God is trying to prepare me for my future ministry or for my future husband and family. God is preparing me for my future. This is why I can't give up and go home because I'm so homesick this year. This is why I can't get distracted by trivial, shallow things. I need to focus on my school work and focus on my ministries and above all, Focus on God. Then when His time is right, he will take care of my future husband and everything else.
Wow... okay, I know this was really long and probably made no sense but that's ok. Keep reading. I will try to post again soon.