Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Guilty as charged

I have a nasty habit of thinking that I have everyone around me figured out. I'm really bad about thinking that everyone has double motives and that people don't really mean what they say. I suppose the reality of it is that I struggle with being judgmental. Wow, I'm sure being transparent. A thought struck me out of no where today... I hate it when people think they know my motives and they judge me based on who they THINK I am and why they THINK I'm doing something. Now, isn't that something. Maybe the reason I always feel like people judge me and falsely accuse me is because I do that to other people.
So this thought hit me as I was walking back from class and when I got in my room I decided to read my Bible some more since my time was cut short this morning by dorm duties. So I opened up where I left off in Luke 6:27-49- It's all about loving your enemies (which I needed to read) and forgiving (which I also needed) and JUDGING others. It says "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not and ye shall not be condemned: forgive and ye shall be forgiven." If I don't want others judging me and my motives then why should I feel at liberty to do that to them. Goodness! This is something that I need to work on.
I was also reading vs 39-49 about being a hypocrite. It was like that was written just for me. The words "Thou hypocrite" in the middle of verse 42 seemed to be directed right at me. It might as well have said "Jenny, you hypocrite..." I always seem to know what is wrong with everyone else but do I do much to try to fix my own problems? I'm not one to sit around and act like I don't have problems but do I do anything to fix the ones I have. Before I can help anyone else or judge anyone else or lift someone else up, I first have to get myself right. I need to stop being a hypocrite! Stop pretending! Stop trying to judge others when I do the same things. Stop trying to help others out of their sin when I still struggle with getting up to read my Bible everyday. Lord, Please help me!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

loving the unlovely

I watched fire proof while I was home for spring break. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! I didn't really think much about how I could apply it to my life (since I'm not married) until I came back to school. I was thinking about the part of the movie where Kirk Cameron is telling his dad that his wife just keeps rejecting him after all he's done for her and she just spits in his face and treats him like dirt. He says "How can you love someone who treats you like that?" His dad makes his point about how God loves us even when we spit in His face after all He's done for us.
This puts things in a different light. I get so angry sometimes at a friend who ignores me for someone she thinks is more important right now. What's even more irritating, I think, is the fact that she keeps saying that she loves me and that we are best friends but she won't treat me like her best friend. In fact we are very distant. It would be different if she would just admit that right now, this other person is more important to her and she doesn't care about my opinions or spending time with me. It may hurt my feelings but at least I wouldn't feel hurt and lied to.
Now, here's what I've noticed... This scenario could easily depict my walk with Christ. I ignore Him so often for someone or something else that, in my mind is more important. On top of that, I still tell everyone, and tell Him, that I still love Him and want to spend time with Him. But in reality, often times I am distant from Him and really don't act like I care what He thinks or that spending time with Him is valuable to me at all. Now, how can I rightfully be so angry at someone doing that to me... I do the same thing to the Almighty God who loves me beyond measure.
And another thing- Even after Kirk Cameron starts really trying to save his marriage and doing all these sweet things to show his wife he cares, she is still mean to him. Does that stop him? No. He just keeps giving and loving. I believe that this is because he realized what kind of love he had been loved with (by Christ) and that placed on him a burden to love his wife the same way. We should be trying to love others with the same love that Christ gives us.
This is something that I think is going to take me a long time to fully grasp and practice consistently but it's helped me tonight, specifically. Hope it has made someone think about how they have been loving others.
"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving"
"If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the 20th), then I know nothing of Calvary's love... If I am perturbed by the reproach and misunderstanding that may follow action taken for the good of souls for whom I must give account; if I cannot commit the matter and go on in peace and in silence, remembering Gethsemane and the cross, then I know nothing of Calvary's love..." Amy Carmichael