For some reason this verse popped out at me. Maybe because I know and have known in my heart that I'm backslidden. I have been for some time now. The things of God are not as exciting to me anymore. It's almost as if I've forgotten that God is even real. I know that seems impossible but really, if I honestly believed God was REALLY REAL I wouldn't do most of the things I do. Or if I believed that He really was SO holy and perfect, would I really decide that I don't care if what I'm doing is wrong? Really! I do that sometimes. I do something, KNOWING that it's wrong... I get that little twinge of conviction and I just shove it aside and say "Oh, it's ok this once and God probably won't even notice. It's not as bad as____________."
I KNOW! I'm awful right!
So knowing all this about myself, this verse popped out at me and I got to thinking, if I am backslidden, I'm filled with my own ways. If I'm filled with my own ways then how is God supposed to fill me with His spirit or His love for people or His Word? If I'm filled with my own ways, then how do I expect to have any ability to do anything for God, including get up out of bed and read my Bible?
So what's the solution? Get my focus off of myself and my own ways and my own wants and put them on the right place. Him!
A couple weeks ago I went to get my eyes checked for the first time. (They have been bothering me lately. They didn't really find anything wrong with them which is almost frustrating because that means I can't fix them. Anyways...) They had me read one of those charts: (I tried changing the size of font to make the top one the biggest and then gradually have them get smaller but I couldn't make it work... so pretend)
I L J T R E H I
K T M E R W
Z T L M E
I E L
And this came back to mind when I was thinking about this. It's like this... When we get backslidden and become full of our own ways, we get our focus off of God and off of where it needs to be and we get it on ourselves. .... (again, pretend that the top one is biggest and then they get smaller)
We become so focused on ourselves that soon, God is hardly visible. The more we focus on us, the smaller God's place gets. The harder it is to "see" Him.
This is how it should be: (Top one is biggest and the rest get smaller)
The more I focus on God and keep him in my sights, the smaller I get. My wants and desires become less important. So then, it doesn't matter that I want to sleep. My focus is so on God and His purpose for my life and what he wants to show me in my devotions that I can't even see my wants. It doesn't matter that I want to listen to this certain kind of music cuz it makes me happy. If my focus is on God, then my desire for that music will be out of sight.
That's how it should be... Unfortunately, it hasn't been. Not for a long while. But God has really spoken to me the last couple of days and I'm hoping to get things right. I've already started. I want to focus on him. I think it's about time to grow up and get my eyes off of me and myself. It's time to give up my own ways and let Him lead my life.
I hope this made sense to someone....
"He must increase but I must decrease"