It's about the little things

I feel like I have been drifting lately. Like I haven't been as close to the Lord. I'm hoping to get back to Him through my Bible reading and more serious prayer time. It honestly just comes down to "What do I want most?". If what I want most is to be close to God today then I will get out of bed in time to spend meaningful time with Him. (Sleep is my weakness here at college!) I should never give up what I want most for what I want right now (sleep). So I'm going to be working on that.
I had a convicting experience today....
I work at a daycare in the afternoons. My job is to help run the front desk. I am basically the right hand girl to the director. I do whatever she needs done which usually entails cleaning the facility, doing dishes, signing kids in and out, answering phones, filing paper work, moving kids from room to room, dealing with parents, tying shoes, wiping noses before the kids leave and helping parents find their children's jackets... a little bit of anything and everything. I get along very well with my boss. She is a very sarcastic person but we joke around a lot and (even though she would probably pretend she doesn't) she loves me. :)
She is not saved. One of my best friends, Rachel, works there with me and we have invited her to church and given her tracts but she claims she "already goes to church and reads the Bible and prays". There hasn't been the best opportunity to out-right witness to her yet. (Well there may have been opportunities but I haven't taken them) She knows that Rachel and I are different and she knows that we have standards but today I was very convicted about the "little things" in my life that may be a hindrance to her getting saved someday. For instance, she will ask me if I know a certain song and because I use to listen to that kind of music I do know it and I start singing it with her. And today, for some reason we started talking about scary movies and she said "I thought Christians weren't supposed to watch scary movies." It hit me hard. I didn't really have an answer. Then just a few minutes later, I called someone (a movie star) a retard. I have a habit of calling people stupid or idiots or retards which is totally not Christ like. My boss said "That wasn't a very Christian thing to say." Now, she was just kidding with me, but it really convicted me because once again I had no reply. It wasn't a very Christ like thing to say. There is also a girl at work who annoys me to no end with her bad attitude and on several occasions I have mentioned my annoyance with her to my boss. What a bad testimony! I should be handling that girl with love and patience. So anyways... I was really convicted just by those little things she said today. I really want to work on the way I talk and my attitude about things and also on being a testimony of how God brought me out of the old lifestyle I use to live with wrong music and movies, not pretend like I'm still living that way by singing those old songs and talking about movies.
Well, that's all for today but I already have another idea to talk about next so check back really soon. I may try to get on here Saturday night.
Keep your testimony with the lost in the forefront of your mind throughout everyday, in every decision that you make.

Real Love

Pastor Sam Davison preached a sermon yesterday on Romans 12:9. He preached about love without dissimulation. Dissimulation means hypocrisy. It has to do with being fake. This was so convicting for me. I have such a problem with fake people. It's like a pet peeve. I hate finding out that people are not what I thought they were and that seems to be happening a lot lately!!!!!!!!! But the Lord convicted me yesterday about my own love for people and for Him. I don't want my love for Him to ever be fake but I am afraid it sometimes gets that way. It all comes down to pride- wanting people to THINK I love the Lord, when in all reality, on the inside, I'm as far away from Him as I can be. (Just being totally honest right now) I really want to work on loving Him for the right reasons. I'm praying that the Lord will help me to truly fall in love with Him.
I was also convicted about my love for others. One of my biggest fears in life (not even joking) is that people talk bad about me when I leave the room. Yet, I find myself sometimes doing that very thing to others or at least listening to it. I KNOW! Despicable! I also have been really having a bad attitude in my heart towards a few people that either annoy me very much or who have hurt me. But since I heard that sermon, I'm praying that the Lord would TEACH me how to love them. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to love these people on my own! (Sad to say) But I'm praying that God will love them THROUGH me. I think it's going to be my theme for this year- "Love without dissimulation". I plan to do a study on the subject of love in my devotions.

"If stupid people fret me and the little ruffles set me on edge, Then I know nothing of Calvary's love. If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider "not spiritual work" I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interest and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love." Amy Carmichael

A fresh start with excitment!

I'm really excited about school this year! My friends and I are trying to be involved in as many ministries as possible this year since we have spent the last couple years being distracted. I feel like I'm getting a new start and another chance. It's been amazing how the Lord has weeded out problems and distractions in my life (sometimes in ways that hurt me a little... but the Lord always knows what he is doing and it's for my Good and His Glory)
We are involved in the Bus ministry and visitation and also Friday night street preaching. We also help with Neighborhood Bible time, which is a big carnival they have to reach the kids on a selected bus each month. It's an awesome ministry. We have seen many kids saved and TONS start riding or be more faithful to riding that bus. I'm really excited about all of it.
I'm thrilled about my classes too. I have learned a lot the last couple of years in my 'Bible' classes but this year I get to start learning about how to actually teach little kids math and science and art and English. I really cannot wait to be a teacher (assuming that is what the Lord has for me)!!!!
The one thing I wanted to talk about for a minute tonight is the limitations of distractions. I'm going to use a boyfriend for my example because that's what it was for me...
I feel sooooo free this year! Last year I got caught up in a relationship that I thought could be "The one". As it turns out, sometimes people are not who you think they are. So be very slow and careful with who you give your heart to! (just a side-note :)) It didn't work out and now I look back on the whole year and wish I would have spent more time getting involved in ministries and meeting new people and making godly friends and actually trying my best at school work. Not worrying about a guy who wasn't God's will. It kept me from applying myself in school, getting involved in more ministries, and made me neglect some friendships. It also caused me to mess up my testimony. We never did anything WRONG but we didn't do a whole lot right either. People noticed that we spent way too much time together and that I was neglecting other responsibilites as well as having an attitude about some things.
Since I don't have that distraction this year, I can be involved in so much more! I don't have to be worried about spending all my time with a guy. I have made so many more friends and I am really trying to pour myself into my bus kids. I plan to work really hard at school work and do the best I can.

All that to say this- Don't let anything distract you from serving the Lord! Break free (with the Lord's help) from anything in your life that is holding you back from being involved in ministries. There is such a sense of fulfillment and peace and joy when you know you aren't wasting time on temporal things but are investing time and money and energy into things that count for eternity and help prepare you for the future God has planned for you.
(And just in case it does happen to be a guy in your life that is distracting you... When the right one comes along, he won't distract you. He will encourage you and you will be able to serve the Lord TOGETHER! He won't be demanding of your time to the point that you neglect your responsibilities or neglect the Lord) (This is only recently getting through my thick head)

Well, I know it might not have made much sense but I hope it was a help to someone. I will try to post again soon and let you know some of the things I'm learning in school and in chapel. So stay tuned! :)

I haven't forgoten!

Hey! Sorry it's been WAY too long since I've posted. I will try to do better. But I'm back at Heartland now. I've been here since Aug. 21st. I'm really excited about this year! Everything is SO different. But I know the Lord is wanting to teach me and grow me through all the different circumstances that are surrounding me right now. I don't have much time right now so I guess I will have to end here. I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be trying to do better on here. Our school interenet was down until just now and I've been really really busy so that is why it's taken so long. I have many post ideas and things I want to write about really soon so keep checking back.