How long til you believe?

My Bible reading for today was in Numbers 14. It's right after Moses had sent the 12 spies into the land of Canaan and 10 came back with an "evil report" and 2 came back saying "We can do this! God is on our side!" The people of Isael chose to listen to the 10 who were fearful and doubting. They lifted up their voice and cried. They murmured against Moses and Aaron. They started to wish that they had just stayed slaves in Egypt. Moses and Aaron tried to show them that the Lord was on their side and he could be trusted to take them into the promised land but the people wouldn't listen (14:10). Finally, God says to Moses in verse 11- "How long will this people provoke me? and how long will it be ere they believe me, for all the signs which I have shewed among them?" This verse stuck out to me. It was like it was written with my name in it... "How long will Jenny provoke me? and how long will it be ere she believe me, for all the signs which I have shewed her."
How many times has God come through for me? Too many to count. Many I don't even realize, I'm sure. How many times has he shown Himself mighty? How many times has He done something truely amazing and miraculous? How many times has He provided right on time?....and yet how many times have I taken matters into my own hands? Or, more often, worried myself literally sick over an issue and wondering if God was going to provide? Whether it be for a job, or whether or not I'll meet a guy, or where money will come from. Worry, while natural and easy to do, is essentially doubting God which makes it a sin. This isn't really news to me. No great new revelation. I've known that worry was a sin for a long time. But I still do it. Why is it so hard for me to trust God? "With all the many miracles, why don't you think it's possible?..." as a popular southern gospel song puts it.
Well in the case of the Israelites, I suppose it was just that they forgot about all the things God had done in the past. Perhaps (and this is just speculation) they forgot about them because they weren't thankful for them. Someone can correct me if I'm totally off base here but it seems to me if they were really thankful for all the ways God had caused them to stand in awe by providing for them in miraculous ways or protected them from their towering enemies etc...they would not so easily forget. Just a thought. Maybe they were just too used to it and therefore not appreciative enough to remember it.
I'm not harping on them at all either. That's me all the way. I'm so prone to forget what God has done for me. I've heard of people keeping a blessing journal. I tried this once and it was really helpful. Like many things in my life, I got lazy and was undisciplined and didn't keep up with it. (I really really can't stand that about myself.) Anyways... I think I will try to start one again. That way when I start to worry that God won't come through for me, I can go back and remember all the times He has.
Secondly (and lastly...I know this has been a long post), I have heard it said that if we don't know God it is because we don't know Him well enough. How do we get to know someone well enough to really trust them? By spending time with them. I doubt God's ability because I don't know it well enough. I don't spend enough time in prayer and Bible reading....that's what so many problems boil down to isn't it? I'm really thankful for verse 18 which says "The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression..." The verse goes on to say that God doesn't excuse sin. But He is so good in that He does forgive it when it's acknowledged. If you have not been believing God, confess it and be forgiven. Spend time with Him so that He can prove to you that He is so trustworthy. That's my plan.
So I would encourage anyone else struggling to believe that God is able to_________ (fill in the blank)...you should make a list of all the things God has done. From the every day little blessings and proof of Himself to the miraculous things that show off His power. Then spend time with Him. Maybe it would be good to do a study on the character of God or on the miracles of God.

"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time." --Oswald Chambers

"God gave the bold command To cross the Jordan and take the land
Not to worry about the giants they would face
But when the spies returned To tell the others what they had learned
They said, “For us to win, there’s just no way.”
Still two of them trusted God, Caleb and Joshua
They said, “Children, don’t believe what you have heard.
We know we’re out manned by far, They’re much bigger than we are.
But let’s not forget just Who it is we serve.”

With all the many miracles
Why don’t you think it’s possible?
With all the many things we’ve seen
Why do you think it’s just a dream?
With all the things He’s done for us
Don’t you think it’s time we trust?
Remember what is possible
With all the many miracles.

Like when we were about to die, Manna fell from the sky.
Then water came from a dry old dusty rock.
And back when Pharaoh was closing in, God closed the sea again
But not before we all had safely crossed.
So here you are my friend
You face a battle you cannot win
You tell yourself, “There's just no need to try”
Consider how good God’s been
He’s been faithful time and again,
You must believe and here’s the reason why...

With all the many miracles
Why don’t you think it’s possible?
With all the many things we’ve seen
Why do you think it’s just a dream?
With all the things He’s done for us
Don’t you think it’s time we trust?
Remember what is possible
With all the many miracles."

By Rodney Griffin, Greater Vision