Sad Stumbling

"Where am I today I wish that I knew
'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
I don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead
I'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this short of a love that we once knew
I'm calling this home when it's not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed
Standing on a darkened stage,
stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why
We get distracted by dreams of our own
But no body's happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall
And climb high to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky
While others have excuses, I have my reasons why
With so much deception it's hard not to wander away"
-Nickel Creek
I'm not going to pretend to fully understand all the words to this song but I gotta say, I think I get the main idea and I like it. It's talking about backsliding. Realizing that you are far from the Lord and not even knowing how you got there. Sometimes we get so distracted and pulled away from God. But it's not like we take one huge leap from his side and end up in the dark. It's the quiet steps away from His leading. We even come to the point sometimes where we start calling the backslidden place we are in "home". We get comfortable there and convince ourselves that we are where we are supposed to be. And most of the time... WE KNOW BETTER! We are just playing a role. Somehow we have stopped seeing God as holy as He is and stopped seeing sin for as bad as it is. On top of that, we start making excuses for why we are the way we are. I think it's interesting that the song says "Others have excuses, I have my reasons why." That's exactly what we do. Our pride blinds us to the fact that all we are doing is justifying ourselves in our own sight and making excuses not to follow God.
I've been listening to this song over and over lately and every time I do, I keep seeing visions of people that I care about who were once a big part of my life who have now turned away from everything that they were taught and knew.... KNOW... to be right. I see them in my mind plastering a smile on and feeling so bad inside, not living with true peace. I can see them literally stumbling around in the dark, alone, getting farther and farther from God because they have hardened their hearts. And every time He tries to get their attention through His Word or maybe through a difficult circumstance, they blame Him and become more bitter. It really makes me feel like crying. It makes me wanna cry tears of helplessness because I feel that there is not much I can do for those people. Just watch them mess their lives up and live a life that they have convinced themselves (by lying to themselves) is ok and even making them happy. But we all know that when we backslide into the world and into sin we end up feeling empty and alone. And "no body's happy while feeling alone."
But there is one thing I can do for those I know who have chosen that road. I can pray... I can beg God to open their eyes and to send such strong conviction that they can't escape it. And, as hard as it may be, I can pray that God would do whatever it takes to get their attention... To bring them back to Himself. I can pray that He would show Himself to them in a powerful way. And I can be a good influence whenever I have opportunity. I can live the life I know God wants me to and be living proof that only He satisfies.......... It makes me want to step it up a notch in my Christian life.
"God has created each of us with a thirst that only He can quench."
"Teach me that if I do not live a life that satisfies Thee, I shall not have a life that satisfies myself."
"The soul of man bears the image of God; so nothing can satisfy it but He whose image it bears."
"Having been created by God for God, the "self" can never be "self-satisfied." Yet, having lost sight of the God revealed in the Bible, all we can see is our self, with its futile drive to meet its own ever-changing but never satisfied cravings for the second-rate pleasures of this world."
"On the one hand we long for God and on the other hand we run from Him. Accordingly, instead of seeking Him out to find lasting meaning, we turn to other things instead to try and satisfy that deep, spiritual thirst inside, only to discover it is like drinking salt water… We can never find success in these things under the sun because we were never meant to find lasting profit in them but only in God."
"Real satisfaction comes not in understanding God's motives, but in understanding His character, in trusting in His promises, and in leaning on Him and resting in Him as the Sovereign who knows what He is doing and does all things well." ................ AMEN AMEN AMEN! I LOVE THIS ONE!
Isn't it sad when we, as Christians, know the true way of peace and satisfaction, and decide that we know a better way? How silly we are.